Self Realization. Self Definition. What makes you, you? You sit back and think it through. Freedom defines America, but what defines you? A series of actions, statements and phrases; the people who surround you.
You think back to moments in history; that moment when you're Father disappeared not to be heard from again. The day your grandfather died & your heart split in two. Was it the day you freed yourself from your overbaring mother? What made you the person you are today?
Propaganda surrounds you. Other people telling you what you should want, what you need. Do people even trust themselves anymore? When we look for advice, do we dig deep within ourselves or trust an outside opinion? We doubt ourselves, you doubt yourself. What happened to the innocence & peace that people used to believe in?
Where is your head at now? Full of thoughts, ideals, ideas, doubts, successes, history and rage. What fuels you to keep your head above water instead of sinking into the underground? What keeps you awake at night & what makes you wake up in the morning? Is it love? Freedom? The American Way?
Are you ready to be freed from a cookie cutter insituition? The possiblity to think for yourself is amazing; maybe next time you can relax and become an indivual.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Take a breath...
Weight: 198lbs (still don't have a scale!)
Menu Plan: Undecided.
Today, I'm winging it. I was to lazy, to unmotivated to plan a meal plan today. Sunday, Josh & I went to the St. Paul Farmers Market and came back with loads of Local, Healthy, Organic Food. Broccoli ($1), Green Beans ($2), Potatoes ($2), Foccacia & Multi Grain Bread (2 for $5), Green Peppers ($2), Garlic ($2); I also got Flowers ($5) and then we each got Beef Jerky ($8): Grand Total $28.00 and we helped out our local businesses. We plan on going back now every other Sunday as a way to stock up on healthy foods & spend way less then at Target, Cub or Rainbow!
I'm still job hunting, and it's been less than stellar. It's hard to admit failure, it's also even harder to admit mistakes. Now, instead of attending school, I'm back to looking for FT work. We'll see how this goes. I'm enjoying being home but I'm bored out of my skull! I get to cook, which is a big passion of mine and I keep the house clean, I do laundry and read a lot. Other than that, I make sure Josh is taken care of with things he's not able to handle.
I haven't even heard a call back, all I've recieved is "No Thanks" e-mails, and it's getting completely frusterating. I don't qualify for unemployment because I quit, I didn't get fired. *sigh*
Back to the drawing board.
Menu Plan: Undecided.
Today, I'm winging it. I was to lazy, to unmotivated to plan a meal plan today. Sunday, Josh & I went to the St. Paul Farmers Market and came back with loads of Local, Healthy, Organic Food. Broccoli ($1), Green Beans ($2), Potatoes ($2), Foccacia & Multi Grain Bread (2 for $5), Green Peppers ($2), Garlic ($2); I also got Flowers ($5) and then we each got Beef Jerky ($8): Grand Total $28.00 and we helped out our local businesses. We plan on going back now every other Sunday as a way to stock up on healthy foods & spend way less then at Target, Cub or Rainbow!
I'm still job hunting, and it's been less than stellar. It's hard to admit failure, it's also even harder to admit mistakes. Now, instead of attending school, I'm back to looking for FT work. We'll see how this goes. I'm enjoying being home but I'm bored out of my skull! I get to cook, which is a big passion of mine and I keep the house clean, I do laundry and read a lot. Other than that, I make sure Josh is taken care of with things he's not able to handle.
I haven't even heard a call back, all I've recieved is "No Thanks" e-mails, and it's getting completely frusterating. I don't qualify for unemployment because I quit, I didn't get fired. *sigh*
Back to the drawing board.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Day..oh, whatever.
Weight: Who Knows?
I've been dieting, what 5 days? And I fail, pizza last night...ugh. I feel sick thinking about it (and the dishes in the sink that need washing).
I'm just a little flustered today is all, Josh & I were suppose to have a "date day" considering he's been playing his video game so much lately. That's a big ol' fail there as well. It's 1:30, he's still sleeping with no means of getting up & he keeps snapping at me and all I want to do is drown my frusteration in a bag of chips (or ice cream).
I remember when we met, and my weight. I dropped so much after I broke up with my ex, and now I've ballooned to the biggest I've ever been and I'm always hungry!! Which is odd, you'd think it's just unconcious eating, that's why I can stuff my face. No, I'm hungry 24/7, I eat and then an hour later i'm hungry. It's just upsetting because I try so hard, and I've tried so many times but I feel myself getting bigger and I feel the number on the scale going up.
Frusteration makes me cry...and I'm about to, so I think i'm done with typing right now.
I've been dieting, what 5 days? And I fail, pizza last night...ugh. I feel sick thinking about it (and the dishes in the sink that need washing).
I'm just a little flustered today is all, Josh & I were suppose to have a "date day" considering he's been playing his video game so much lately. That's a big ol' fail there as well. It's 1:30, he's still sleeping with no means of getting up & he keeps snapping at me and all I want to do is drown my frusteration in a bag of chips (or ice cream).
I remember when we met, and my weight. I dropped so much after I broke up with my ex, and now I've ballooned to the biggest I've ever been and I'm always hungry!! Which is odd, you'd think it's just unconcious eating, that's why I can stuff my face. No, I'm hungry 24/7, I eat and then an hour later i'm hungry. It's just upsetting because I try so hard, and I've tried so many times but I feel myself getting bigger and I feel the number on the scale going up.
Frusteration makes me cry...and I'm about to, so I think i'm done with typing right now.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Day 2:
Meal Plan:
B: 1 cup Cheerios
3/4 cup 2% Milk (I just can't do skim!!)
1 Orange
L: Cheddar & Broccoli Potato
Progresso Vegetable Soup
D: Turkey Taco Bake (recipe taken from www.thatsmyhome.com)
w/ reduced fat cheese & all the fixings
Spanish Rice.
S: 1 Vanilla Skinny Cow (I buy generic Target brand, taste the same for about 1 dollar difference!)
1 12oz. can Coke
Water Goal: 8 8oz. glasses or refilling my 16.9oz. water bottle 4 times.
Total Points: 25
I'm feeling pretty good about today's meal plan. Obviously, the can of coke shouldn't be on here but, I'm trying to take myself off caffeine slowly, otherwise, I burn and crash horribly.
The rest of day one went well. Between Lunch & Dinner I got fairly hungry but I snacked on some cucumber, cherry tomatoes & Celery with some French Dressing (4pnts). Josh even came home with my sub from subway just the way I wanted it and at 7pnts, it was delicious!
I also found out that I can do workouts from my cable box & I've never been so excited in my life. I'm personally, not an "active" person. I like being outside but I like knowing that I'm not exercising. I also don't like working out alone so I'm hoping that the ability to do it in my own house, in the humid Minnesota summer will help with that. Speaking of which, the Minnesota State Fair is coming up and I have a huge feeling that I'm going to crash and burn on my diet that day. I can't not help but eat Corn On The Cob (not so bad), French Fries (mhmm...), or Sweet Martha's Cookies (they only come around once a year).
Josh has been more than supportive of my dieting, which makes this even easier. I'm normally pretty conscious about what I eat, my problem is how much I eat. I'm more than willing to eat vegetables & fruit..but I can go through all of it in one sitting. My goal is to be more aware of how much I'm eating and why I'm eating which is why I've started reading again. Smokers have the problem where if their not doing something with their hands, they need to smoke. I'm the same way with food. I could sit and blog all day and eat & eat & eat but with reading I get so immersed in the world I'm reading about nothing else matters. So let's hope that makes me snack less & shrink my stomach.
Okay, I think that's all for right now. Anyone else excited for Top Chef Masters tonight?
B: 1 cup Cheerios
3/4 cup 2% Milk (I just can't do skim!!)
1 Orange
L: Cheddar & Broccoli Potato
Progresso Vegetable Soup
D: Turkey Taco Bake (recipe taken from www.thatsmyhome.com)
w/ reduced fat cheese & all the fixings
Spanish Rice.
S: 1 Vanilla Skinny Cow (I buy generic Target brand, taste the same for about 1 dollar difference!)
1 12oz. can Coke
Water Goal: 8 8oz. glasses or refilling my 16.9oz. water bottle 4 times.
Total Points: 25
I'm feeling pretty good about today's meal plan. Obviously, the can of coke shouldn't be on here but, I'm trying to take myself off caffeine slowly, otherwise, I burn and crash horribly.
The rest of day one went well. Between Lunch & Dinner I got fairly hungry but I snacked on some cucumber, cherry tomatoes & Celery with some French Dressing (4pnts). Josh even came home with my sub from subway just the way I wanted it and at 7pnts, it was delicious!
I also found out that I can do workouts from my cable box & I've never been so excited in my life. I'm personally, not an "active" person. I like being outside but I like knowing that I'm not exercising. I also don't like working out alone so I'm hoping that the ability to do it in my own house, in the humid Minnesota summer will help with that. Speaking of which, the Minnesota State Fair is coming up and I have a huge feeling that I'm going to crash and burn on my diet that day. I can't not help but eat Corn On The Cob (not so bad), French Fries (mhmm...), or Sweet Martha's Cookies (they only come around once a year).
Josh has been more than supportive of my dieting, which makes this even easier. I'm normally pretty conscious about what I eat, my problem is how much I eat. I'm more than willing to eat vegetables & fruit..but I can go through all of it in one sitting. My goal is to be more aware of how much I'm eating and why I'm eating which is why I've started reading again. Smokers have the problem where if their not doing something with their hands, they need to smoke. I'm the same way with food. I could sit and blog all day and eat & eat & eat but with reading I get so immersed in the world I'm reading about nothing else matters. So let's hope that makes me snack less & shrink my stomach.
Okay, I think that's all for right now. Anyone else excited for Top Chef Masters tonight?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Day One
August 11th, 2009
Weight: 198lbs.
Height: 5'9"
Goal Weight: 165 lbs
Day One, What can I say! I don't personally have many vices, other than food. I'm also a big emotional eater. I'm sure most people can relate to that.
I finally decided that today was the day I needed to make a change. So, I'm cutting out soda (ugh), and fast food (except Subway) and I'm trying to lose 33 pounds.
Personally, I don't feel like 33 is a huge number but it's definately intimidating. And Since, I'm doing this all on my own, and the help of what weight watchers information I can pull from the good 'ol internet.
Today, I managed to go grocery shopping and picked up lots of healthy food. I also, made a list of my meals for the next week and even found some healthy recipes!
That's all for now. Till tomorrow.
Weight: 198lbs.
Height: 5'9"
Goal Weight: 165 lbs
Day One, What can I say! I don't personally have many vices, other than food. I'm also a big emotional eater. I'm sure most people can relate to that.
I finally decided that today was the day I needed to make a change. So, I'm cutting out soda (ugh), and fast food (except Subway) and I'm trying to lose 33 pounds.
Personally, I don't feel like 33 is a huge number but it's definately intimidating. And Since, I'm doing this all on my own, and the help of what weight watchers information I can pull from the good 'ol internet.
Today, I managed to go grocery shopping and picked up lots of healthy food. I also, made a list of my meals for the next week and even found some healthy recipes!
That's all for now. Till tomorrow.
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